I Put the Labor in Labor Day

3 Sep

My poor husband.

My parents gave him money for his birthday.  He bought a new grill, as the old one had a major problem.  He put his new grill together on Saturday, then we threw some inaugural spare ribs on it on Sunday.  We’d never grilled ribs before, but I read up online how to do it, so it didn’t seem difficult.

Except, apparently, it was.

The ribs didn’t cook up in time.  We were doing it low and slow, like I’d read to do.  But it was too slow.  Steven fiddled a bit with the temp and burners, but it still wasn’t cooking.  We ate frozen pizza for dinner.

While Steven was upstairs bathing Alex, he asked me to go out and turn all the burners on low.  So, I did.  At least, I thought I did.  It was dark and our motion-sensing light out on the deck has a difficult time actually working.  I fiddled with the burner knobs, and the flames looked nice and low, but seeing as I’ve never grilled before (that’s always been Steven’s job for the entirety of our 15 years of marriage), what did I know?

Not much, as it turns out.

Steven went out a little later to check on the progress.  He started yelling.  Our ribs were on fire.  He turned off the burners, then the propane tank, but things were still flaming inside.  Hugely flaming.  By the time the fire was out, our ribs were nothing but charred dust.  And Steven’s new grill?  Well, it survived, but he had to order a new thermometer and nameplate for the lid.

Even worse, I took out the internet.  This house has an abundance of cables running all around it.  This drives Steven nuts, and he occasionally pulls some of it down, when he can see that it goes nowhere.  But the cable that runs along the roofline of the deck covering?  That one actually did something.  I fried our internet.  We thought that the cable company was just having a little hiccup, but hours later, the ‘net was still down.  And down again in the morning.  That’s when it occurred to me to go outside and check.  Yep, I smoked the side of the house and melted the important parts of the cable several feet above the grill.

I’m not kidding when I say that we’re really lucky I didn’t burn the house down.

I cried.  A lot.  Apologized to my husband approximately 952 times because I messed up his birthday present.  Then cried some more.  He wasn’t mad at me in the least (because he’s just awesome like that), but I was furious with myself.  And scared because I nearly started a fire.
Thankfully, he was able to order new parts for the grill.  It didn’t cost all that much.

Then he spent Labor Day outside cleaning up my mess.  Scrubbing grill grates.  Scouring the brick on the house to get all the soot off.  And cutting off the ruined bits of internet cable and splicing on some new cable.  Good thing I bought him a DIY book in a $5 book sale a while back because it told him how to do the cable splicing.  You know, since we couldn’t go online to figure it out.

I’m pretty sure he will never again ask me to do anything with his grill again.  I think I’ll stick to the kitchen.

This used to look nice and unwarped and not bubbly.

This used to look nice and unwarped and not bubbly.

This used to work.

This used to work.

The lid is now discolored.

The lid is now discolored.


One Response to “I Put the Labor in Labor Day”

  1. carrie September 4, 2013 at 7:39 PM #

    What a bummer, Anne Marie. Glad it wasn’t worse, but I’m sorry it happened. I had a similar incident in high school trying to make microwave popcorn. =(

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